Judgment or Opinion?

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Never judge an eagle by the opinion of turkeys.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Faultfinding... we all do it, but why? Judging others is almost second nature in our society. When we don’t agree with someone’s opinion or how they are doing something, it is easy to pigeonhole them as ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ or worse. Life is much easier when others think, speak, and behave as we would. When we agree on everything, the world validates who we are and what we believe. If only life were that easy!

Why do we judge and find fault with others? Is it to feel good about ourselves? To announce how ‘right’ we are? To point out our strengths against their weakness? Cover up our own mistakes? To make us feel better about our beliefs, priorities, and actions?

These are tough questions to think about and even more difficult to answer. The next time you catch yourself with a judgmental thought, stop and ask why and where that came from. Sitting in stillness to let it swirl around will often lead to an answer. And with that answer, you will be better able to dismiss the next urge to judge.

When you break it down, judging is a form of perspective. We never have all the information available to us about someone else. Their likes and dislikes. Their motivations, reasons, challenges, and history. We will never know the whole picture: their pain, their heart, their mind, or the building blocks of their viewpoint.

Context and timing are everything. I read somewhere a while ago about Noah. We think of him now as faithful, courageous, and insightful. However, we might think of him as a nutcase if we knew him before the flood. Perceptions can undoubtedly change over time. We might not be able to see the whole truth at each moment and each encounter with others, and we need to be able to recognize that.

When someone goes about doing something in a different way than you, open your mind and heart. You might learn something new or discover a better way even. We all think, learn, and understand differently. One way is not better or worse than another. It’s just different. And it fits everyone in their own way. Don’t let your annoyance and judgy-ness take over when you think differently than others – it doesn’t mean they are wrong!

Try to recognize and understand why you become judgmental and over-critical. Sometimes down deep, when we are judgmental, it reflects our own behavior. Have you ever reformed a bad habit only to be critical of another who has not yet done so? Or do you see a bad habit in others that you have yet to conquer but are quick to complain about? There are always two (or more) sides. Even the skinniest thing has two sides. It is much easier to be a lawyer and defend our mistakes yet act like a judge towards others' mistakes.

Once you are in the habit of understanding where and why judgment arises, it becomes easier to differentiate between judgment and opinion. It is ok to have opinions. Often these opinions are our inner guidance. We might not listen to our inner guidance if we fear becoming too judgy. For example, a negative feeling might arise when we meet someone new. We might suppress that as a judgmental feeling but later discover that paying attention to that feeling could have helped us better care for ourselves or others.

We need to develop the distinction between inner guidance and having an opinion from judgment. If not, we may not allow ourselves to have opinions. These opinions and inner guidance help us to grow and discover ourselves. They allow us to interact more efficiently and wisely with one another. This inner guidance, or intuition, makes itself known quickly. Sweaty palms, butterflies in our stomachs, or a chill are sure signs. With an opinion, we can more easily converse about it rather than lay down a final say. When we listen and learn from our intuition, we enhance our ability to understand and interpret what comes at us.

Opinions are open, malleable, and changeable. Judgments can close us down and offer no room for additional conversation or further debate. Undoubtedly, it is healthier to be open and fluid to digest and process everything that comes at us.

So much of our life is filled with ‘sound bites.’ We get instant headlines, minimal stories without all of the background, and short feeds on our social media streaming. Very little in context or full detail. And often with some bias from the originator, which can be hard to ascertain.

We receive quick texts or emails from those we deal with, repeatedly excluding all the background and details. No wonder we make rash judgments when we don’t have all the information! When we receive this information in textual form, we are at a disadvantage from the get-go. We have little way of knowing the sender's tone or inflections—no way to hear the laugh or tenderness in someone's voice, making it easy to misinterpret everything.

Pause and consider whether you have an opinion or are making a judgment. Take a breath and understand the context. Zoom out to take in the entire perspective. Listen to your inner guidance. Remember, before judging, there is plenty of examination, understanding, and compassion to consider first.

Do you notice the difference between your judgments and opinions?

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