Solve the Problem

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Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer. ~ Denis Waitley

Oh, how easy it is to moan, groan, get angry, and complain when a problem arises ... and then do nothing to solve it! Today turns into tomorrow, and another chance to rehash the same story over and over again!  I know you know the cycle.  We all have done it, in various ways and multiple times throughout our lives.

Sometimes, we rely on others to fix things for us or even demand that they do so. At other times, we neglect addressing a problem, only to see it magically disappear or, yikes, manifest into something worse!

I am currently frustrated with a hurricane-induced permitting problem related to a new house my family and I are building. I won’t bore you with the details, except to say that it has lingered for months. We have relied on our builder and others to develop solutions, and it has been a painfully slow journey! As I look back on the process, it seems that the involved parties would perform their ‘individual’ parts, but we lacked a quarterback to take ownership and solve the entire problem. It is currently on the right track to be resolved soon, and I am certain all will be well in the end. 

However, this provides me with an excellent topic for us to explore here!  How do you solve your problems? Do you calmly look at the situation from all sides and take time to study, understand, learn what you can do, then commit to and carry out a resolution?

Or do you get angry, defensive, and blame others? Do you hit replay and keep revisiting what went wrong? Do you want somebody to ‘pay’? Do you hurriedly rush through it to finish, only to miss some crucial parts? Do you put too much energy on a minor part, not the whole problem? Do you wait for others to solve it? Do you stick your head in the sand and hope the problem will disappear? So many choices! And I’m sure I’m missing others as well. I know I have probably taken all these approaches to my current vexing permit problem and many others along my life’s journey. But as I digest some of this and the overall question of problem-hood, I do know how I would like to behave.

I have always tried to view things from others' perspectives and play the devil’s advocate. Much to the dismay of some of my friends and family, I am certain, lol! Often, we lack all the information: the specifics, the whys, and the hows of a situation or others’ roles in it, so I try to bring those up. I believe it helps me gain more insight into the problem and perhaps develop a little compassion for those involved.

I want to remind myself to be more on the ‘solving’ side than the ‘complaining’ side. I want to focus my energies on positive resolutions rather than the blame game. I don’t want to get stuck in the never-ending loop of concentrating on the problems instead of the solutions, especially when they might be minor and insignificant. 

I certainly don’t want to be a victim or nonresponsive. I also want to gracefully accept others’ solutions, even if they aren’t how I would have handled the situation. I want to be able to recognize and accept when there is nothing I can do to change the outcome.

I want to be reasonable and use common sense when solving new problems. I hope to simplify the process and focus my energy on the resolution rather than the backstories. I seem to have a need to justify my reasoning regarding how problems are or need to be solved, and often require validation from others. I really need to work on lessening that burden on myself!

I want to find a better balance along the spectrum of analysis and problem-solving. I need to continue working on not overanalyzing and ‘spreadsheeting’ everything! Old habits are hard to break, but there is always hope.

Designing and building our new multi-generational home has been filled with ups and downs, frustrations, excitement, joy, and wonderment.  It has also included many problem-solving opportunities for us to practice with.  We are not done yet, so I know I will have many more opportunities to keep working on this problem-solving skill!

During this experience, my family and I adopted new nicknames, which signify positive and pleasant personas we want to be when our more negative, complaining, and ugly sides surface. And we are not shy about invoking our nicknames and calling each other out when necessary! Mine is Priscilla – and I have needed to bring her out more often lately! When Priscilla takes over, she is quite adept at looking on the positive side and diving into the problem to understand it and develop a good solution. And I hope I am getting better about embracing Priscilla’s personality more often than not in all aspects of my life’s journey.

How do you embrace and solve your problems?

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